Another year, another awards season- albeit a very controversial one. That’s why before the doom and gloom of the reality of the film industry continues, it’s always good for some light to shine within the darkness- which is why it’s time for the Sixth Annual Movie Marmite Man Awards.
With an equal share of compliments and criticisms, the Marmies are presented to both the best and worst movies of the year.
In another year that didn’t really provide much in terms of choice, 2017 had a lot of standout gems and, for once, I enjoyed the majority of the movies I watched- with a whopping 73% of the films I reviewed receiving a ‘great’ rating or higher!
So, for the record-breaking sixth year, kick off your shoes and ready that grin- it’s The Movie Marmite Man Awards!
Superhero Movie of the Year
The Nominees:
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2- fights, fun and fatherly love
Thor: Ragnarok- Thor is back and this joke is getting old now
Wonder Woman- warrior woman, war and wonder
And the Winner Is:
Turning everything around from its predecessor, Thor: Ragnarok is fresh, funny and has some great new heroic- and villainous- characters, as well as some spectacular superhero showcases.
Action Movie of the Year
The Nominees:
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2- superb sci-fi spectacular
The LEGO Batman Movie- destruction, mayhem and lots and lots of LEGO
Spider-Man: Homecoming- supercharged Spider-Man
Thor: Ragnarok- gladiators, galaxies and guile
Wonder Woman- gods, war and sacrifice
And the Winner Is:
The action-packed opening and brilliant finale are explosive and exhilarating, and cleverly mix humour and excitement, as well as allowing every character their own moment to shine.
Drama of the Year
The Nominees:
The Founder- eye-opening look at the world of ruthless business
Hidden Figures- powerful, inspirational film about overcoming the odds
And the Winner Is:
Based on a powerful and emotional true story, Hidden Figures is a story of how everyone should be given the chance to prove themselves.
Animated Movie of the Year
And the Winner Is:
Big laughs, big characters and big destruction, The LEGO Batman Movie is a great film that both children and adults can enjoy.
Most Exciting Action Sequence
The Nominees:
Dunkirk (2017) - the dogfight
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2- the grand finale in the planet’s core
Justice League- aliens invade Russia
The LEGO Batman Movie- the destruction of Gotham City
Spider-Man: Homecoming- jumping aboard the airplane
Thor: Ragnarok- the battle on Asgard
Wonder Woman- the battle in the trenches
And the Winner Is:
Spider-Man: Homecoming- jumping aboard the airplane
We’ve never seen Spider-Man struggling to hold onto an airplane before, so it was great to see the web-slinger out of his comfort zone and flying through the sky in a very different way.
Best Ending
The Nominees:
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2- we all learn the real meaning of fatherly love
Hidden Figures- when Katherine is let into the control room and saves the day
The LEGO Batman Movie- disco dancing caped crusaders!!
And the Winner Is:
Hidden Figures- when Katherine is let into the control room
There aren’t many movie moments in which you want to stand up and clap at a character’s achievements, but Hidden Figures has several of them- including this one.
Best prequel, sequel, remake, reboot or spin-off
The Nominees:
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2- our favourite intergalactic heroes are back for more
Justice League- our least favourite intergalactic hero comes back from the dead to team up
The LEGO Batman Movie- more fun, more frolic and more Batman
Spider-Man: Homecoming- Spider-Man reinvented and so much better than the last one
Thor: Ragnarok- surpasses its predecessor in every way
Wonder Woman- finally, a non-Nolan DC superhero movie done well
And the Winner Is:
You’ve got to give this movie its props: coming after the messy Batman vsSuperman, no one thought this film was going to be good, especially not a superhero film led by a woman. But, against all odds, Wonder Woman was a hit. It wasn’t perfect, and was not the best film of the nominees, but it tried something new and it’s about time we saw a superheroine save the day.
Best Most Expensive B-Movie of All Time
And the Winner Is:
Justice League may not have been the success that DC and Warner Bros. wanted it to be, but it was a silly superhero film that was fun to watch. Maybe it wasn’t worth over half a billion dollars, but at least it will go down in history for being the most expensive B-Movie ever made.
Best Empowered Female Character of the Year
The Nominees:
Gamora in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
Katherine Goble in Hidden Figures
Barbara Gordon in The LEGO Batman Movie
Hela in Thor: Ragnarok
Nebula in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
Valkyrie in Thor: Ragnarok
Wonder Woman in Wonder Woman
And the Winner Is:
Valkyrie in Thor: Ragnarok
Even though all of the nominees were awesome, Valkyrie was different because she wasn’t a love interest for Thor- she did her own thing and didn’t need to be helped or saved by anyone. She also helped save the day and was one of the most memorable features of Thor: Ragnarok.
Special Award for Best Film that is not a prequel, sequel, remake or reboot
Not only was Hidden Figures an incredibly important story that need to be told, it was also an amazing and original film that bucked the trend by not being related to any other movie series.
Special Award for Best Performance by Inanimate Objects
The red sand in Star Wars: The Last Jedi
Visually stunning, the red sand was the best part about the tedious finale part two from an over long and over indulgent film with a flimsy plot.
Worst prequel, sequel, remake, reboot or spin-off
The Nominees:
Logan- disturbing, harrowing and unnecessarily bleak
Star Wars: The Last Jedi- bland, boring and nonsensical
And the Winner is:
People may not have liked the previous two solo Wolverine films much, but at least they were entertaining and didn’t make you want to gouge your eyes out from depression. Logan also showed that sometimes, too much gore is not a good thing, and a bleak storyline doesn’t always work- especially not in a series such as the X-Men.
Biggest Disappointment of the Year
The Nominees:
Dunkirk (2017)- dull and disjointed
Logan- a complete U-turn from the films the preceded it
Star Wars: The Last Jedi- lazy and boring
And the Winner Is:
Christopher Nolan continues to prove that he’s gone mad with power- and voted for Brexit. Clearly out of ideas, Dunkirk mixed Memento with Interstellar to confusing and dull effect.
Worst Ending
The Nominees:
Dunkirk (2017)- I heart Brexit
Justice League- super strong Superman saves the day with blandness
Logan- Wolverine bites the bullet
Star Wars: The Last Jedi- everything is almost the same as it was at the beginning
Wonder Woman- Wonder Woman learns how to fly- out of an open window for no reason at all
And the Winner Is:
For a film that shows the horror of war, no one would expect Dunkirk to have a weirdly pro-Brexit flag waving finale. Oddly nationalistic, the sentiment appeared out of nowhere and is sure to anger Remainers throughout the world.
Special Award for Most Mind-Bogglingly Stupid Plot Device Ever
The multiple deux ex machinas in Star Wars: The Last Jedi
How many times in one movie can characters conveniently be saved by completely unconnected or random events? In a sloppily written script that throws tension and plausibility out of the window in exchange for Superman powers and Jedi mind tricks, hack writer/director Rian shows that the auteur in Hollywood disappeared off to a galaxy far far away a very long time ago.
Special Award for Most Sexist and Unnecessary Featuring of a Part of the Human Anatomy
Wonder Woman’s rear end in Justice League
It was close between this and Kylo Ren’s topless scene in Star Wars: The Last Jedi, but after watching Wonder Woman, its hard to watch some scenes in Justice League that focus solely on Wonder Woman’s rear end- proving that there’s still a long way to go in Hollywood in terms of gender equality.
Worst Director
The Nominees:
Rian Johnson for Star Wars: The Last Jedi
James Mangold for Logan
Christopher Nolan for Dunkirk (2017)
Zack Snyder for Justice League
And the Winner Is:
Christopher Nolan for Dunkirk (2017)
Nolan’s pretension shines through in Dunkirk (2017)- a film made complicated by time warping the plot in order to create twists and turns that aren’t necessary. It worked in Memento, it didn’t work in Interstellarand it definitely doesn’t work in Dunkirk (2017)
Worst Performance in a Supporting Role
The Nominees:
Stephen Merchant as Caliban in Logan
Ezra Miller as The Flash in Justice League
Idris Elba as Idris Elba in Thor: Ragnarok
Adam Driver as Kylo Ren in Star Wars: The Last Jedi
Dafne Keen as Laura in Logan
Harry Styles as Alex in Dunkirk (2017)
And the Winner Is:
Ezra Miller as The Flash in Justice League
Every single line is painfully delivered by Ezra Miller- an actor that has no charisma, charm or comic timing. No one’s laughing Ezra- so to quote one of the funniest and greatest films of all time, leave the stage, Mr Miller, before you’re carried off.
Worst Performance in a Leading Role
Let’s cut to the chase here, shall we? There’s no need for any nominees when we all know who is going to win this one…
And the Winner Is:
Henry Cavill as Superman in Justice League
Once again, Henry Cavill struggles to convey human emotion, and instead relies on one of two expressions: scowl or smile. He also refused to shave off his moustache because he was ‘in character’ for the newest Mission: Impossible film, costing production millions in CGI bills so they could paint over his upper lip. Perhaps they should have just created a CGI Stuperman: it would have delivered a better performance than any real Henry Cavill ever could.
Worst Movie of the Year
The Nominees:
Logan- depressing and disturbing
Star Wars: The Last Jedi- lazy and dull
And the Winner Is:
A pointless sequel that gives us nothing but filler and fluff, Star Wars: The Last Jedi fails to build on its predecessor and only offers empty thrills that almost end up hitting rock bottom.
Lifetime Achievement Award for Destroying the Credibility of the Entire Movie Industry
And the Winner Is:
Rian Johnson
This is a man who is most famous for writing and directing one of the worst films ever made. Haven’t seen Brick? Don’t. It’s awful. He then followed this up with Looper, a film that shows just how incompetent he is. So incompetent, that Disney decided to hire him to direct one of their Star Wars movies. This baffling decision just shows that Hollywood- and the wider world- no longer wants capable people in top jobs- just people who will do what they are told and won’t answer back. And people wonder why cinema is getting worse… Just look into his cold dead eyes..
Best Director
The Nominees:
James Gunn for Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
Patty Jenkins for Wonder Woman
Chris McKay for The LEGO Batman Movie
Theodore Melfi for Hidden Figures
Taika Waititi for Thor: Ragnarok
Jon Watts for Spider-Man: Homecoming
And the Winner Is:
Theodore Melfi for Hidden Figures
Not only does Melfi get amazing performances out of a great cast, he is also able to tell a sensitive story in a genuinely moving way that doesn’t seem too forced or cheesy.
Best Performance in a Supporting Role
The Nominees:
Jacob Batalon as Ned in Spider-Man: Homecoming
Cate Blanchett as Hela in Thor: Ragnarok
Michael Cera as Robin in The LEGO Batman Movie
Kirsten Dunst as Vivian Mitchell in Hidden Figures
Ray Fisher as Cyborg in Justice League
Jason Momoa as Aquaman in Justice League
Janelle Monáe as Mary Jackson in Hidden Figures
Tessa Thompson as Valkyrie in Thor: Ragnarok
Kelly Marie Tran as Rose Tico in Star Wars: The Last Jedi
And the Winner Is:
Cate Blanchett as Hela in Thor: Ragnarok
There were a lot of outstanding supporting performances this year, but Cate Blanchett really stood out as Hela. Not only did she have enormous screen presence, she also brought a villain that could have been two dimensional to life, and gave the characters a real run for their money as the wicked Hela.
Best Performance in a Leading Role
The Nominees:
Will Arnett as Batman in The LEGO Batman Movie
Taraji P Henson as Katherine Goble Johnson in Hidden Figures
Tom Holland as Peter Parker in Spider-Man: Homecoming
Michael Keaton as Ray Kroc in The Founder
Chris Pratt as Peter Quill in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
And the Winner Is:
Taraji P Henson as Katherine Goble Johnson in Hidden Figures
Taraji deserved to win the Best Actress Oscar for her stunning performance as a shy genius, but she was snubbed. That’s what happens when you speak out about the industry. Luckily, Taraji has received a far better and more prestigious honour- the Marmie for Best Performance in a Leading Role. She’s a brilliant actress who gave a brilliant performance, and she deserves to be recognised for it.
And now for the biggest award of the evening:
Movie of the Year
The Nominees:
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2- fun and exciting
Hidden Figures- emotional and uplifting
The LEGO Batman Movie- smart and amusing
Spider-Man: Homecoming- slick and sassy
Thor: Ragnarok- thrilling and funny
And the Winner Is:
It’s been eleven years since I gave a movie I saw at the cinema a five-star rating- but Hidden Figures deserves it. Not only does it have a vitally important message, it is also a moving film with powerhouse performances and several moments where I wanted to jump up and give a stand ovation. The Academy may have snubbed it, but If you haven’t seen it yet, you must. It’s a five star film that is well worth a watch.
Thank you, loyal readers, for sharing the Movie Marmite Man Awards with me for the fifth year running!
2016 wasn’t the best year for movies, so let’s hope that 2017 will be much better!
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